Anxiety is a normal human emotion.
Too often we feel as though anxiety is nothing but a problem and that we need to either avoid it or get rid of it, or we feel shame for experiencing it.
We tend to get messages like that from the world around us. Society promotes an idea of happiness and peace – which is a good thing – but sometimes to the point of making us feel bad or wrong or “messed up” if we feel anything but that.
Don’t get me wrong – anxiety is uncomfortable.
I don’t like the feeling either. When I sense it in my body for whatever reason, I catch myself beginning to give in to the urge to make it go away. We don’t wake up in the morning hoping we feel some anxiety that day. Instead, we want peace. We want calm. We want tranquility and happiness.
And yet, anxiety is unavoidable. As an emotion, it’s natural. Just like anger and sadness and fear and happiness and love.
And it is designed to show us that something is wrong, either in our external world or (perhaps more likely) in our internal world.
Author and researcher Brene Brown defines anxiety as “a state of worry and avoidance that can be temporary or a personality trait.” She goes on to say that “anxiety is rooted in an intolerance for uncertainty.”
It’s a feeling that we experience that causes us to go into worry or avoidance mode. Anxiety causes both mental, emotional, and physiological impacts.
We start worrying and ruminating. Or, instead, it’s the worrying and ruminating that causes the feeling of anxiety.
Anxiety unchecked then leads to things like anger, sadness, depression, irritability, fear. We panic. We get frustrated. We take our feelings out on those around us.
We feel anxiety in our bodies. Our breath gets caught in our chest. Our body tenses up. We sweat. Our muscles tighten. We experience nausea or dizziness.
Not very comfortable, is it?
I work with people all the time, both young and old, who experience this on some level, at different points in their lives. For some, it’s something ongoing and constant. It happens often. For others, it’s more situational. It’s a response to negative circumstances or an abundance of stressors.
I’ve also experienced it myself over the years. It’s something that I’ve battled and have had to learn how to overcome. Usually, it’s tied to worries or negative thoughts, or to fear or a sense of dread, or to some form of guilt because of something I did wrong.
Whatever the cause, I’ve experienced anxiety on many occasions as an emotion that indicates to me that something is wrong and needs to be fixed. And by looking at it that way, I’ve actually come to appreciate the emotion over time.
Allow me to share some strategies I’ve learned, and that I now share with others in therapy, when it comes to responding to anxiety when it arises within us. Here are five:
1. Notice and acknowledge it
Carl Jung once said, “what you resist will persist.”
Sigmund Freud identified several defense mechanisms that we develop to help us deal with things in our lives and our minds. One of these was avoidance. Here is how he defined it: “Avoidance is the deliberate act of staying away from situations, people, or experiences that provoke anxiety or discomfort. While this defense mechanism can provide temporary relief, it may also prevent individuals from facing their fears and resolving the underlying issues.”
Both famous psychologists were basically saying the same thing: when we avoid or ignore something, it doesn’t go away. It just gets worse!
To deal with anxious feelings, we must first be willing to notice and acknowledge them. Resisting or ignoring or avoiding won’t free us from anxiety; instead, it will likely worsen the experience and the symptoms of anxiety.
It’s important for us to stop, to take note of the feeling we’re experiencing, to label it, and then to sit with it for a moment and allow ourselves to feel it, rather than trying to rush through it, or move past it, or keeping ourselves so preoccupied or distracted in the hope that it’ll just go away.
What does this look or sound like?
To borrow a phrase/strategy from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: I am noticing that I’m feeling anxious right now. I am aware of this emotion I’m experiencing.” We do this without judgment; without feeling the pressure to change it.
It’s a simple awareness of what we’re experiencing in our body, before we move on to what, then, we think we need to do about it.
2.Practice regulation and relaxation
It’s hard to problem-solve when we’re dysregulated.
When anxiety is filling our bodies and threatening to take over our minds, we can’t move into problem-solving mode appropriately.
What’s more likely to happen when we’re in an anxious state is that we’ll do something impulsive, or we will behave or act out of our fight-flight-freeze mode.
We will get angry and try to fight the anxiety, which will then cause us to become irritable or annoyed.
Or we’ll turn to avoidance or distraction techniques but will be unable to really focus because our minds and emotions are not fully online.
Or we’ll shut down; we’ll freeze and become unable to function or fix the issue.
None of these are good options. What’s more effective is actively employing a relaxation technique – whatever works for you – so that your nervous system can take a “chill pill” and calm back down.
What can this look like?
Maybe a simple grounding technique, a breathing exercise, positive affirmations, prayer or journaling, taking a walk, or engaging in an activity that is designed to relax your system and get your brain back online.
3.Investigate the Source
The next step, after relaxing and regulating your body and brain, is to use that brain power to investigate what is causing the anxiety for you.
Was there something that crossed your mind, some thought that fluttered through and left an anxious imprint? Is there a fear that your spirit is gripped by? Something you’re dreading or worried about? Is the anxiety coming from a different emotion – maybe guilt, shame, embarrassment, a lack of love or belonging, loneliness, etc.?
It’s important to investigate the feeling and find out where it’s even coming from, to stop and consider what problem or issue or fear or need might have created the emotion.
We put words on the feeling, and we identify where it’s coming from, so that we are no longer trying to carry this enigmatic emotional experience, as if it’s some mystery we need to avoid. “I’m feeling anxious right now, and I know that is because of _.”
4.Decide What Is Needed
Once you’ve identified where your anxiety is coming from, maybe you’ll also have some clarity on what you need to address that issue.
It’s helpful to look at our needs – is there some area in which I am dissatisfied or unfulfilled or some part of my life that is not yet what it needs to be?
Maybe it’s financial, or related to your health, or a relationship. Maybe it’s professional. Maybe the need is to overcome a certain fear or dread about something coming up. Maybe the anxiety is related to something in your spirit – a realization that you’ve done something wrong or caused some damage somewhere, and the need is to confess that and make it right.
Whatever it is, it’s important to get clear on your need in that moment. What would help to
alleviate the anxiety you are feeling?
5.Pursue a Resolution (or defer to a later time)
Sometimes, after we’ve identified the need, the next step becomes clear. We then can see what action we need to take to resolve the problem causing us the anxiety.
Sometimes, the next step is simply to defer the action to a later time. Maybe at that moment, there’s just nothing that can be done about the situation, and the next step is acceptance and surrender.
We are logical creatures. We aren’t like animals.
We have the brain capacity, when we are in a calm and regulated state, to think through our problems and come up with strategies and solutions. My puppy can’t do that. My son’s bearded dragon can’t do that. You and I can do that. We have this amazing super-computer living behind our foreheads, and it’s capable of coming up with ways to resolve whatever is triggering that emotional experience for us.
Concluding point
Again, anxiety is a natural part of our human experience. If the movie Inside Out 2 taught us anything it was that anxiety lives inside each of us and has a seat at the control panel. And sometimes it’s necessary and helpful. If we can begin to accept and appreciate that, we can be freed from whatever torment anxiety has caused us in the past.
Try the steps outlined above and see what kind of difference it makes.
How do you deal with anxiety. Leave a comment below to share some of your go-to strategies or coping skills.
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