My wife tells me often that I’m a great dad, that I’m a great husband, that I do a good job of taking care of things, that she appreciates me.
I have to admit that I don’t always agree with her. I often struggle to see my own “goodness” even when she makes a point to highlight what she believes is good about me. I appreciate her acknowledgement, and I love the love that she shows me in her words and actions.
But so often I feel quite inadequate, to tell you the truth.
I have a hard time seeing past my own brokenness and failures. I hang onto the things that are wrong with me, the things that I do or fail to do that tell me that I’m not as “good” as she says I am.
I get annoyed and frustrated sometimes. I lose my patience. I nag and gripe and complain. I stress over decisions and circumstances and my stress rubs off on her and our kids. I can be a selfish human, only thinking of my wants and needs. I have to catch myself sometimes and correct my thoughts and behaviors and moods and attitudes with the Lord’s help.
I can keep going. If you’re a human, you know what I’m talking about. It’s easy for us to focus on our failures and faults. It’s easy for us to think that we aren’t “enough”, that we are still too imperfect, that we still have so much to change. And when we focus on these things, it’s hard for us to see what other people see in us or fully appreciate what they say about us.
Do you know what this is? It’s a failure to accept and embrace grace.
By definition, grace is “undeserved favor.” It means that we are given something that we have not earned and do not deserve.
God shows us grace in giving us forgiveness and pardon and a relationship with Him even though, because of our sin, we don’t deserve that.
Grace is displayed in the fact that we are loved by Christ every single day. Even on our worst days. Even when we don’t “feel” very loveable.
And it is grace that should compel us to look past our faults and failures and realize that, even though we are imperfect, we are redeemed and forgiven and still worthy of love. Not because of ourselves and our “goodness”, but because of Jesus and His work in our hearts.
This should then translate to us showing ourselves grace. We don’t have to be perfect. God knows we’re trying. We’re trying to take care of our families. We’re trying to be godly and strong. We’re trying to honor God by taking care of business – going to work, serving our neighbors, doing good things for others, being responsible and living right.
This isn’t always easy. Sometimes we mess up. But we have to remember, every single day, that grace is upon us still. Our mistakes can be redeemed by God. We are loved and made worthy because of Christ. And that’s all that really matters.
Dads, husbands, men – when your wife and kids tell you how much they appreciate you, when they comment on how “great” you are, accept the gratitude. Accept it in grace, looking past your imperfections and faults and knowing that God is still working on you.
Moms – when you get into bed at night and you back on all the ways you think you failed during the day, just let it all go. Accept the grace that God pours out upon you. Rest in the promise that, although it’s true that you won’t ever be “good enough”, you are covered and loved and redeemed. And that’s far better than measuring up to some other person-centered standard for motherhood.
You may still be far from who you want to be or think you need to be. But grace will keep working in you to make you who God is calling you to be.
For now, let grace allow you to rest and be confident in Him.