Do we see our role as the fulfillment of a God-given calling?
Paul David Tripp, in his book Parenting, discusses the role of parents as one of the most important callings in life. He says that parenting is “about a calling – one of the most significant callings that could ever be laid in the lap of a human being.”
Stop and think about this role: God has given us as parents an opportunity to invest in the life of another human being every day for eighteen years straight; an opportunity to shepherd and teach and guide and mold and help shape them for their own future.
That really is an incredible calling.
But do we always see it that way? Or is it too easy to see our job as parents as just that – a job?
We too often consider the chores of parenting – changing diapers, potty training, teaching manners, instructing in behaviors, tending to our kids’ needs, fulfilling our duties as caretakers, which can seem like an endless task.
We also consider the struggles of parenting – the conflicts, the attitudes, the sleepless nights at various stages of their growth, wrestling with them to become more responsible and to start taking care of their own tasks.
It’s easy to get caught up in all that is frustrating or stressful about being a parent. We can’t argue that it’s hard work, often for many days and months on end, and that it’s often a thankless job.
But it’s important for us to note that it is way more than a job. As Tripp writes, it really is a calling and it’s something given to us by God that should be treasured in our hearts.
Our children are gifts, and God calls us to steward those gifts faithfully.
We wouldn’t treat a precious gift with carelessness, leaving it lying around, not paying any attention to it, mishandling it or ignoring it.
The same needs to be true for both the children in our homes and the act of parenting itself: these are precious gifts, and they deserve our attention, our affection, and our effort.
Attention
I’ve heard it said that “what we tend to will grow.”
This is true of so many things in our lives. If we choose to plant a garden, and we put our time and money and resources and energy into it, we are likely going to see results. As we tend to that garden, we are going to see growth. Our habits, our health, our emotional and mental wellbeing, and our relationships are the same way – as we tend to them and give them our attention, we will experience growth in these areas.
As parents, we are called to give attention to our children. I don’t mean the kind of attention that tends to always be wanting or needing something more (“play with me, sit with me, talk to me, entertain me”). That kind of attention can actually enable them to think the world revolves around them. What I do mean is to tend to them – consider their needs, their wishes and dreams, their growth, and be mindful and prayerful about God’s plan and design for them.
This is what it means to give our attention to parenting. We take it seriously. We seek to learn and grow. We look for ways to tune in to our kids more and to be fully present as parents, taking an active role in their lives. Passive parenting won’t help anyone. Mindful parenting makes a difference.
Affection
Jesus said, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” What He meant by this was that the things that we value the most tend to get most of our affection.
If you value success or wealth or status, those things are going to steal your heart. You will give your time and energy to things, because your heart longs for them. Paul David Tripp says, “As beings made in God’s likeness, we do not function by instinct. Rather, we are value-motivated human beings. Your words, your time commitments, your finances, your emotional highs and lows, your relationships, and your spiritual habits together form a portrait of what is really valuable to you.”
So, what do those things show about your own values? And is the role of “parent” something that is high on that list? Do you wake up every day, even though you’re tired from the day before, even though you aren’t’ a perfect parent and your children aren’t perfect kids, and have gratitude in your heart for the gift of parenting, seeing the incredibly life-changing value of being their mother or their father?
Effort
Again, what we tend to will grow.
Tending to something involves more than just giving it our attention. It requires energy, activity, intentional action.
We can’t just look at the garden and talk to the garden and hope that it produces something. We must step in there, get on our hands and knees, plant some seeds, and then go about watering and working that garden until we see growth. But then, the work doesn’t stop there. There is always a next step. And parenting is a lot like that. It involves deliberate action, being intentional about how we shepherd and raise our kids, knowing that if we don’t disciple or train or try to influence them, the world will.
I know this can be tiring and messy, and often we don’t feel that we are doing enough of the right things. But the best parents are not the ones who never mess up; they are the ones who keep trying.
My oldest is almost thirteen years old, and I can’t tell you how many times over the last dozen years I have messed up with that kid. But grace allows me to keep trying, because I know God is bigger than my failures.
Final Note
Frederick Douglas once said that “it is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” This is what we’re doing as parents. We are trying to build strong people who can go out into the world and make a difference in their own way. And, yes, we are trying to stay sane and healthy and in-control. And God gives us help to do all of that along the way.
This is an incredibly important calling. I invite you to look at it that way, rather than just a job or a task. And God will continue to sustain us, giving us the grace required for the challenges.
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